A Soggy Caerphilly 10K!

Last weekend I ran the Caerphilly 10k road race with my Pegs. It was my first race since the Manchester Marathon (did I mention I ran a marathon??) and since my IT band injury decided to feature in my life so I was a bit nervous but my nerves were soon quashed when I met up with my running buddies.

Best looking club ever!

The weather did what it loves to do in Wales, it started raining! That didn't dampen our spirits though as we all started the race together which was great, usually we're split up in our pens depending on what our estimated finish time is. 

There were about 2000 runners so it took over 3 minutes to get from our place in the pack to crossing the start line but then we were off! We all shouted 'good luck' 'have a good run' to each other and started our own races.

Tracy and I lovin' the soggy run

I knew that Caerphilly wasn't flat and was prepared for the hills but the first one was about a minute from the start line... not fun! I put my head down, paced myself and got up that hill without killing my race. As we all know what goes up must come down and I love a good downhill.

The rain was actually quite refreshing and helped to keep me cool during the tough sections, well that's what I kept telling myself anyway.

No filter, just rain

My goal for this race was purely to finish it without my knee giving in. I'd been going to physio and doing all the exercises and stretches that she told me to do so I was quite confident that me and my IT band could pull this off. I just wanted to finish without walking and without pain.

At about 4km (ish) we were running up a steady climb and I started talking to a fellow runner. Claire was doing her first ever race so we chatted for a while and discovered that we had the same race goal - just to get it done! We were matching each other's pace really well so stuck together and kept each other going.

I hadn't run further than 5 miles since the marathon and had only just been running regularly again for a couple of weeks so my fitness level felt dreadful. I honestly wasn't sure if I could run 6 miles without having to walk and know that I probably would've given in if it wasn't for Claire.

My new running buddy - we're running in sync!

After a lot of running and a lot of nattering we approached the finish line and my Pegs were there to cheer me on. 

Wooooooooo hoooooooooooo!!

We crossed the finish line and I had completed my goal. I had finish the 10k without walking and without pain. NO PAIN!! I also completed my secret goal which was to finish in under 1 hour and 10 minutes - I did it in 1 hour 9 minutes and 36 seconds!

I picked up my medal, t-shirt, goodie bag and quite possibly the smallest banana I've ever seen.

The organisers of the Caerphilly 10k had put a stage up so that posers like us could have our team photo taken.

Team Pegs

Team Pegs with Jazz hands!

The Caerphilly 10k restored my confidence in my body and my running. It reminded me that I can do anything when I put my mind to it, I forget this on a regular basis and have a tendency to doubt my abilities.

Bling!

So the next step for me is to continue running (obviously) but the hard work has to continue. I need to slowly increase my mileage again as well as focus on my speed, I want to get faster so I have to run faster even when it's uncomfortable and my body is screaming for me to slow down. I need to keep up the cross training and the strength training too. I also need to do more hill work with Caroline and her posse of pain lovers so will join them on their Monday night session of misery very soon.

Apparently this is a regular sight but with more tears and shouting!

I've signed up for 3 more races this year, the first is the Severn Bridge half marathon at the end of August and will give me a good indication on how much I need to improve for the Cardiff half marathon in October where I'm still planning to smash my PB. I'm also doing the Cardiff 10K in September and want to beat last year's time. I'll probably enter a few other races along the way but these are the 3 I want to focus on.

Wish me luck!

Body Image Breakthrough... Well A Step In The Right Direction At Least!

Anyone that really knows me will know that I struggle with my body image. Over the last couple of years I've worked on increasing my fitness and self-esteem which has helped with my body image issues but I seem to have hit a wall that I need to get passed so I can continue onto the next part of my journey.

This all started at a young age so I have approximately 30 years of damage to un-do somehow. I grew up around women who were constantly on one diet or another, who were never happy with their own body or weight so it's no surprise that I grew up with an unhealthy outlook on body image.

My weight went up and down by approximately 3 stone on a regular basis between the ages of 15 - 27. I would lose weight then think I could go back to eating 'normally' so the weight would just pile back on and I'd beat myself up for it. I would lose weight again and think I could eat 'normally' again and I'd beat myself up for putting the weight back on again. Lose weight... eat... beat self up... repeat.

Finally at 27 years old I realised that something had to change if I wanted to keep the weight off. I still didn't have the 'perfect' body and I wasn't happy in my own skin as my yo-yo dieting had left it's mark (stretch marks, un-toned areas and cellulite). I decided to count calories in order to maintain my weight but all this did was make me miserable and hungry. When I was overweight I always assumed that being slim would automatically mean that I would be happy. Oh how wrong I was and I ended up going into an 8 years unhealthy relationship which killed my self-esteem, made me feel totally inadequate and not worthy of real love. That's why it took me so long to realise I was worth more than that and to finally get out of the relationship.

A few months after I left my ex-husband I decided to start running, I wanted to find a way to eat what I wanted without putting the weight back on and to get a bit fitter in the process. This helped but I was still a slave to the weighing scales and every time I put on a lb I would beat myself up until I lost it again.

Last summer I decided to put the scales away and I haven't weighed myself since, this was actually pretty liberating but hasn't stopped the way I see my body. Although I eat healthily most of the time and am fitter than I've ever been in my life, I still have a negative body image. Even after I ran a marathon I still have the same thoughts and feelings about my body. My body got me through 26.2 miles but I still don't love it. This is when I realised that I have to re-train my brain, I have to re-programme myself, I have to learn to love myself unconditionally otherwise I'll continue on this cycle of self-criticism and self-judgement forever.

A few days ago I started reading a blog about how to go about this change and the writer said to focus on the things you like about your body instead of the things you don't. Obviously I scoffed at this because it seemed so simple and 'fluffy' but her words stuck in my head. Today I decided to write a list of the things I don't like about my body and another list of the things I do like about my body. 

I fully expected for the first list to be much longer than the second so was gobsmacked to realise that I'd listed 9 things I don't like and 18 things I do like. I like double the amount of things about my body than I don't so why do I dislike my body still? This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm still trying to process it now.

I've also written a list of the things I could do to improve the things on my "don't like" list and hopefully transfer them over to the "like" list one day, or at least become indifferent to them. I know some damage isn't repairable and I have to find a way to get past it. I'm a work in progress.

I haven't written this blog post because I'm looking for compliments or to be told that I'm fine just the way I am, far from it - although I always smile and say thank you, those comments tend to go in one ear and out the other as I find it hard to make them stick when I don't see it for myself. Writing this blog over the last 1 & 1/2 years has been therapeutic so I'm writing this post for me. Sometimes I just need to get things out of my head so that I can organise my thoughts and start to address them. This post has been a long time coming and I've always shied away from writing it as it was easier than facing this issue once and for all.

I'm also writing this for all the other people out there who are going through a similar thing, they need to know that they're not alone. I hope it helps for them to know that someone else gets what they're going through.