Loneliness Sucks!

Lately I have felt lonely a lot of the time and with that comes sadness then a lack of self worth and low self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for myself as I am aware of how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling this way so I know it can only get better if I make an effort to change it.

For most of my life I've tried to be someone else to please someone else. I tried to change to please the bullies at school, I tried to change to get guys to like me and I always went into a relationship trying to be the girlfriend that I thought they wanted me to be. I didn't realise that they were with me for me and who I already was. The consequences of living like this is that I have no real clue about who I am as a person.

I am going to change all that though and have already made a start. I'm learning what I like about myself, what I like to do with my time, who I want in my life and what I don't want/need in my life.

I left a marriage where I felt lonely most of the time but that was a different and worse kind of lonely so I'm grateful that I was brave enough to leave and start my life over again in a new city.

The downside to moving your life to a new location is that I don't know anyone nearby. The thought of trying to change this is overwhelming and sometimes I think it would be easier to just stay inside my house and hide with my dog. That would obviously be insane and drive me insane!

I have joined a local gym and a yoga class and I always make to effort to smile and make eye contact with people around me and also to say hello if they're within talking distance. This gives me a connection to people around me and helps reduce the loneliness I am feeling.

It's going to be a long road but I am willing and looking forward to making the effort to change how I feel. I look forward to wanting to come home after a day at work and enjoying being with just me and my dog.

I just need to keep remembering that...

And that...

#PushingBackHarder