Goals for 2016... Better Late Than Never!

This year has been the hardest of my life but now it's time to take it off hold and start living it again. The rest of this year is going to be all about becoming stronger, both physically and mentally, and more confident. It's about kicking my low self-esteem up the butt and remembering how amazing I am. I feel as though I have a few pieces of my jigsaw missing and I want to change that. I've set myself three goals so that I have something to focus on and work towards, they are:

1. Improve to my running
2. Start on the pathway to my new career
3. Fall madly and deeply in love

The first goal is a bit vague so here's breakdown of what I would like to achieve:

• Complete my first marathon and have fun doing it without worrying about time
• Run a sub 2:15:00 half marathon
• Run a sub 55 min 10k (current record is 62 minutes something)
• Reduce my short run average pace to 9 min/mile

This means I need to actually run more often, I'm only running 2-3 times a week at the moment but want to aim for 4. I also want to include doing hill repeats, speed work and strength training. I already know that I should be doing these things but most of the time I completely forget once I start running and other times I'm just too lazy to bother.

I also want to start doing yoga at home and maybe a spin class one or twice a week.

Looks like fun...

If I start incorporating them into my weekly routine then I'll be fine, I just need a bit of motivation.

*wipes drool from chin*

Once my marathon is over and done with, I'm going to start running with my dog Winston. The first thing will be to train him not to trip me up then it'll be getting him to actually run by my side. The first time I tried running with him we both ended up on the floor. The second time he shot off and then decided he could walk as fast as I could run... this did not make me look good!

The second goal is to finally sort out what I want to be when I grow up.

If only it was that simple!

I have a few ideas but am going to keep them to myself for now. I've sent a couple of emails out asking for advice so will see what happens there.

The third goal isn't really a goal but is probably going to be the hardest. I've decided to stop online dating and try seeing what the real world can come up with.

I want someone kind, caring, honest and respectful. Someone to laugh with me, share experiences with me and support me in my life choices and goals. I also need someone who can embrace all the madness that comes along with me and I will do the same for him. I just have 2 non-negotiables, he must be 6ft or above (I'm 5ft 10" and like to wear heels) and a non-smoker.

The downside to offline dating is that you meet less men and then you don't know if they're single, interested in you or even actually looking for a relationship etc. Now I know what you're thinking, you don't know any of those things for sure with online dating either but at least you have a better chance.

This is where you guys come in. I am open to being set up so feel free to match me up with someone you know.

Maybe give it some real thought first!

Now I've said them out loud I actually need to start doing them and I'm sure my fellow Pegs will keep me to this and help me along the way. I always work better with structure and a plan to follow so it's about time I gave myself some realistic goals to work towards. Who knows, I might actually achieve one or two of them!

Here I go!

A Girls Night in with Tinder... What Could Go Wrong?!

I have been known to do a crazy thing now and again but I think last night was the craziest of them all so far!

Saturday night was Tinder night at my friend L's house. A bunch of ladies got together for a night in with some very food, a good old giggle and a Tinder account or 3.

It's where all the cool kids hang out!

Our instructions from our host were this:

• Bring food and drink
• Set up a brand new Tinder account - if you currently have one then delete it so you can start fresh
• Do not touch new Tinder account... don't even take a sneaky peek at it!

We all arrived at L's house with our instructions completed. The next instruction was to give your phone/iPad with new Tinder account on it to another lady to use on your behalf. Yes, you read that right, I had to give my iPad to someone else to be me!

The aim of the night was to swipe right (for like) or swipe left (for no way!) for your friend and get as many matches as possible while making sure you only swipe right for people who you would actually want her to date. The first person to set up 3 meets* for her friend was the winner and hopefully the Tinder account owner gets to meet some nice guys.

*A 'meet' is not a first date, it's just a coffee for an hour or so to see if you get on. After this you either arrange a first date or change your identity. Back in the olden days you would see someone in a pub, have a chat and then arrange a first date, you wouldn't class your first encounter as a first date. Same in the online world and it takes the pressure off.

Calm down Oprah!

L and T grabbed my iPad and I grabbed T's iPhone! Now this is where you probably think we're crazy and usually I would agree but, to be perfectly honest, how much worse could their choices be for me? I've not exactly picked the best men to date so why not put my love life in someone else's hands. Perfectly logical!

My thoughts exactly!

The evening started with us sitting around the table in the conservatory, L had prepared meats, prawns and veggies for us to cook on a table top grill - it was great and meant L could relax and not have to keep an eye on the cooker (although the sweet potato fries in the actifry gadget ended up cremated!) 

I see T and L a lot so they know me pretty well, they know my 2 non-negotiables are 6ft and above and a non-smoker. I wasn't quite sure that they were remembering these 2 vital facts especially when evil laughs and hysterical laughter could be heard for miles around.

He's probably not that short!

Clearly a romantic!

Pretty sure this is Dave, 43 from Porthcawl

Soon the matches started to flood in and it was time to message with our admirers. We kept it simple and we kept to the facts (ish) so that the Tinder account owner could pick up the conversation if she was interested in the man we had chosen for her. 

This rule was kept to with all messages except one. That one exception was a guy we will call Creepy. He was clearly not a gentleman and was matched with myself and T so we decided to have a little fun with Creepy and see how long it took for us to get busted. 

We started off asking and answering questions in a similar way. It turned out that Creepy wasn't talking to anybody else on Tinder except for me... apparently. Now we're all grown ups and we all know that you talk to numerous people at once until you start actually dating someone so why the lie? Without going into details, Creepy was well and truly earning his nickname by the end of the messaging and we had to be very blatant before he realised what was going on and we were busted. 

So long sucker!

Online dating can be a hard and soul destroying thing to do. I've tried it a few times and met some lovely guys but the percentage of creeps/weirdos usually outweighs the good ones. Swiping left and right and is much more fun when done with a group of friends then sitting on your sofa at home alone. We had such a giggle. The night was a great success, we might not have scored the 3 meets each but we had so much fun trying. I highly recommend having your own Tinder night in!

Dating in the 'Diff Part 3

I haven't written a blog about my dating experiences in a while because I met a man and fell in love. Now before you say "awwwwwww" it all went to shit and I'm single again. There's still no need to say "awwwwww" though because I'm doing ok.

It all started when I was a bit bored over Easter and decided to sign up to POF (AKA Plenty of Fish) as some of my colleagues had told me it's where all the single people in Cardiff hang out. And they weren't wrong, I saw quite a few of the people I had dated or even just messaged with on match.com or Tinder so I quickly blocked them all and started my new online dating experience.

It reminded me that I hate online dating. It sucks. It can make you feel as high as a kite one minute and a self-conscious wreck the next. You have to be pretty damn self-assured to stick it out. 

I lasted 10 days but in those 10 days I chatted to a man and we agreed to meet up. I always try not to get my hopes up before the first 'meet' as people can be so different to their online profiles.

To cut a long story short, we met, we dated, we fell in love, we talked about sharing the future together, we made promises that we probably shouldn't have made yet then eventually our differences started to show and the issues caused weren't fixable. I won't go into details as that's not fair on either of us but recently I made the decision to end it. It was horrible and heartbreaking but I know deep down that it was for the best. He is a lovely man but I'm not the one for him and we both deserve to find our 'one'.

Although I'm sad and feeling hurt by the whole experience, I'm actually proud of myself too. As soon as I realised that things weren't going to improve and the issues would always be part of the relationship, I decided to end it instead of fearing that any relationship would be better than no relationship. Old Sara would have clung on for dear life rather than be single. This Sara is not afraid to be single and sometimes feel a bit lonely, she knows her own worth and that being in no relationship is better than being in one that isn't working. Sometimes I can't believe how much I've changed over the last 18 months.

So it's just me and my gorgeous boy again for a while. 

I'm sure running shoes count!

I'm going to focus on me. I've just signed up for the Manchester marathon in April 2016 so need to sort out a training plan and stick to it. This will involve a lot of running, eating, aching, sleeping and feeling a whole range of emotions. It's going to be awesome!

Yeah I am!

I'm going to spend more time seeing friends and having fun. My first year in Cardiff was pretty lonely but this year I've made more friends and become part of a running club family. I feel so grateful as I have a fantastic circle of amazing people in my life who are all extremely supportive of me and believe in me. 

I was shopping a couple of months ago and came across a pink notebook with gold writing on the front that simply said "Believe in yourself" and I knew I had to buy it. I got it home but quickly realised I had no idea what to write in it. It suddenly felt like I didn't know how to believe in myself any more so I put it to one side and left it there. 

Recently I was watching a documentary and I heard a Doctor say she used to write "I accept myself unconditionally right now" on the bottom of every prescription she gave out as she was aware that so many people just didn't accept themselves. I know I've let my self-esteem slip recently and know that I'd never actually got to a point where I felt like I accepted myself but I really, really want to. That quote was the first thing I wrote in my new notebook and now it's time to focus on me, to prioritise me, to believe in myself again. 

Dating in the 'Diff Part 2

Well I'm 2 months on from my last Dating in the 'Diff blog, it's been a good couple of months but I've decided to come off online dating for a while and just see what happens in 'real-life'. 

Online dating was a lot of fun, I chatted with some really great guys and met up with some too but it can also be a tad frustrating for many reasons

Not sure which is the best option!

I think that's only fair!

There are the guys who are actually too busy to date and just like to message, the guys who don't seem to know what they want or whether they actually want to date anyone, the guys who don't give you chance to reply and message you 3 more times asking why you haven't replied yet and then there's the guy who put "no hook-ups please" on his profile but that's clearly all he is actually after because he throws a tantrum when you won't drop everything to go over to his place and, well, drop everything!

And then there are the stalkers!

They are the gems who 'wink' at you, who 'wink' at you again... and again... and again. Seriously mate take the hint. You winked at me and I looked at your profile but you weren't for me so I didn't wink back. That's not an invitation to continuously wink at me and then message me asking why I haven't winked back or messaged you. No offence but you're just not my cup of tea.

*blocked*

There have also been some conversations which have turned a bit creepy, these usually involve the guy making suggestive comments very early on. One guy asked me if I liked to 'wrestle' so I told him about my 3rd Dan in Taekwondo and that I'd happily spar with him and try not to hurt him. Didn't hear from him again... I wonder why?!

Another guy asked me if I liked to dress up... it turns out he participates in cowboy themed re-enactment weekends and wanted to know if I was up for it.

Tinder was very entertaining for a while but it ended up being a lot of men posting photos (known as Moments) of themselves topless in the gym changing rooms.

*yawns* So not impressed!

Now don't get me wrong, I've met some really great guys online and had some brilliant dates but it all just feels too forced and pressurised. I want to meet someone and have fun with them, just get together and have a giggle without the added pressure of 'where is this going?'. I have no plans to settle down for a long time. At the same time though I do have morals and know my self-worth so if you want to date me then you have to just date me.

I went on a couple of dates recently with one guy who made me laugh constantly and I realised that it was the first date where I was actually 100% myself. There was no trying to impress, no nerves and I didn't have to try to hide my slightly (very!) inappropriate sense of humour, I was just me and I loved it. So I'm taking that lesson with me on future dates, if I don't feel like I can be myself then he clearly isn't for me!

The next person I start dating might be someone I've met before, he may already be in my life or he might be a complete stranger so I'm just going to carry on having fun, meeting people and see what happens.

In the meantime, you'll find me out running (well in the gym until this weather warms up a bit), walking my dog, getting my yoga on, catching up with my awesome friends or hanging off the top of a wall by a piece of rope in my harness at Boulders. Don't be shy, come and say hello, I don't bite... well, unless you like that kind of thing.

#PushingBackHarder

A Full 360 - Career, Life and Love

Yesterday I had my last counselling session and it feels like I've come full circle. When I started back in October I was amazingly low and couldn't figure out what my life was all about, some mornings I couldn't even decide what clothes to put on. I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, what I enjoyed doing in my spare time, who I wanted to date or if I even liked the person I was.

It's taken about 2 months, a lot of low points, a lot of heartache but I'm coming out of the other end and I feel stronger, empowered and in control of my own happiness again.

I'm learning to!

I've thought a lot about the type of career I want and I know it's not the one I'm doing right now. I want something that makes me feel as though I'm giving back to my community, the type of job that makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning and skip my way to work. I've realised that I'll have to retrain so the job I have right now is exactly what I need to help me fulfil my ambitions.

Yay it's Monday! Hmmm that might be overdoing it a bit.

Money is another issue for me, I always thought I needed more and more of it so that I can buy more and more things that I 'needed'. Well it turns out that I had that pretty wrong too. I want enough money to pay my rent, bills and keep myself and my dog fed but I no longer feel the need to have a big pot of gold and a load of crap to make me happy. Obviously if I had a lottery win then I'd graciously accept my winnings... I'm not crazy!

Might need to actually buy a lottery ticket

I've started a few new hobbies too which have given me a reason to enjoy exercising again, they also help to relieve day to day stresses and get me out of the house and interacting with people. I've discovered that I love running, yoga and indoor climbing... yes you read it right, I said I love running! Yoga gives me that warm glowy feeling with a touch of added flexibility and indoor climbing gives me a physical and mental challenge and a way to face my fears.

Apparently...

The next big thing is love. Good old love. I grew up being told to marry a man who had a good job, someone who could 'keep' me and for a long, long time I thought that was what I wanted and needed. Lately I've realised that I've got a good job, a lovely (rented) house, a new-ish car and an amazing dog - I already have everything that I could want or need so why would I look for a man to provide those things for me?!

I want a man who is kind, respectful and knows how to show me the love I deserve. I want to feel that Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud was written by him for me. I want him to have a job that he loves and makes him happy regardless of how much he earns a year, together as partners we'll earn enough to live on. Now don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy with being swept off my feet but in a fun way and not in a 'look after me' way. I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve so I'll just keep having fun dating until it happens.

Especially when it's dessert!

I am finally learning who I am, what I want from life and who I want to share the journey with me. I never knew what 'happy' looked like but now I can see that happiness and contentment is within my reach. As long as I am true to myself then I don't need to worry about outside influences bringing me back down. I am all that I need.

Damn right!

  

Now where did I put my cape?

#PushingBackHarder

Dating in The 'Diff

I have been single and living in Cardiff for 8 months now. I'm close enough for the city life when I want to hit the shops, restaurants and pubs but also close enough for hiking in the mountains of Brecon Beacons. I have got the best of both worlds and I love it.

An hour away from my house

I haven't been dating for over 9 years so thought I'd give it a go, the only problem is that I had no idea what to do. I dabbled a few months ago on Match.com and met someone within less than a week of setting up my profile but that has now come to an end. I have gained a friendship from it which is great but it's time to get back out there.

I have recently discovered Tinder. Wow! It is so much fun. You basically judge each other on looks and a 500 character profile. Swipe right for 'interested' or swipe left for 'not a hope in hell!'  

*swipes right and dribbles*

Now it's easy to get carried away and swipe the wrong way. I did this earlier and there is no getting that person back!

*sighs... moves onto next photo*

I have just one bit of feedback for the male users of Tinder. Check which photos Tinder has imported from your Facebook account and make sure you actually feature in 1 or 2 of them... it helps us to decide if we like you or not!

Funny but always going to get a swipe left!

Dating in Cardiff is a bit more difficult if you are a tall girl who likes to wear heels and still not be the taller one of the couple. Most men in Wales seems to be shorter than your average British guy (sorry Welsh men but it's true!). It's even harder when you don't want to date someone with kids, or who wants kids. Then there is the non-smoker rule. You see, I have 3 non-negotiables; non-smoker, tall and no kids. I didn't think it was a lot to ask when I set up some online dating profile but apparently it is.

In the meantime, I'm going to have fun and try to dodge the weirdos

Well wish me luck as I enter this crazy world of dating in the 'Diff!

#PushingBackHarder