Goals for 2016... Better Late Than Never!

This year has been the hardest of my life but now it's time to take it off hold and start living it again. The rest of this year is going to be all about becoming stronger, both physically and mentally, and more confident. It's about kicking my low self-esteem up the butt and remembering how amazing I am. I feel as though I have a few pieces of my jigsaw missing and I want to change that. I've set myself three goals so that I have something to focus on and work towards, they are:

1. Improve to my running
2. Start on the pathway to my new career
3. Fall madly and deeply in love

The first goal is a bit vague so here's breakdown of what I would like to achieve:

• Complete my first marathon and have fun doing it without worrying about time
• Run a sub 2:15:00 half marathon
• Run a sub 55 min 10k (current record is 62 minutes something)
• Reduce my short run average pace to 9 min/mile

This means I need to actually run more often, I'm only running 2-3 times a week at the moment but want to aim for 4. I also want to include doing hill repeats, speed work and strength training. I already know that I should be doing these things but most of the time I completely forget once I start running and other times I'm just too lazy to bother.

I also want to start doing yoga at home and maybe a spin class one or twice a week.

Looks like fun...

If I start incorporating them into my weekly routine then I'll be fine, I just need a bit of motivation.

*wipes drool from chin*

Once my marathon is over and done with, I'm going to start running with my dog Winston. The first thing will be to train him not to trip me up then it'll be getting him to actually run by my side. The first time I tried running with him we both ended up on the floor. The second time he shot off and then decided he could walk as fast as I could run... this did not make me look good!

The second goal is to finally sort out what I want to be when I grow up.

If only it was that simple!

I have a few ideas but am going to keep them to myself for now. I've sent a couple of emails out asking for advice so will see what happens there.

The third goal isn't really a goal but is probably going to be the hardest. I've decided to stop online dating and try seeing what the real world can come up with.

I want someone kind, caring, honest and respectful. Someone to laugh with me, share experiences with me and support me in my life choices and goals. I also need someone who can embrace all the madness that comes along with me and I will do the same for him. I just have 2 non-negotiables, he must be 6ft or above (I'm 5ft 10" and like to wear heels) and a non-smoker.

The downside to offline dating is that you meet less men and then you don't know if they're single, interested in you or even actually looking for a relationship etc. Now I know what you're thinking, you don't know any of those things for sure with online dating either but at least you have a better chance.

This is where you guys come in. I am open to being set up so feel free to match me up with someone you know.

Maybe give it some real thought first!

Now I've said them out loud I actually need to start doing them and I'm sure my fellow Pegs will keep me to this and help me along the way. I always work better with structure and a plan to follow so it's about time I gave myself some realistic goals to work towards. Who knows, I might actually achieve one or two of them!

Here I go!

Long Run Hell

On Saturday I did my first ever 20 mile run and it was horrendous. It seriously knocked my confidence to the point that I nearly pulled out of doing the Manchester marathon.

I started the morning with my usual light breakfast of a toasted wholemeal muffin with butter and Marmite followed by a banana a couple of hours before my run then I planned my 20 mile route. I knew it would be a tough run so thought I'd try to remember to take a photo at every mile as a way to tick them off and distract myself. I decided to start and finish at Roath Park so drove there and parked my car.

I'll never get tired of this place

The first mile was pretty good, my music was pumping and I was full of energy.

A tree at the end of mile 1

The 'take a photo at the end of every mile' thing didn't last long. Soon I was at Cardiff Bay and mile 5.

The start and finish of my first race as a Peg nearly a year ago

It was a bit of a gloomy day but Cardiff Barrage was still a gorgeous place to run.

(water) Taxi!!

Spring time in Cardiff is made even more beautiful by the daffodils that pop up all over the place.

Running through Cardiff on a Wales rugby match day is a great experience, everyone was so happy and I even got a few cheers to spur me on.

My future husband

Wish I'd been there to watch the match

During miles 12 - 14 my run started to get harder, uncomfortable and I was really struggling. By mile 15 I was sat on a bench sobbing. My whole body ached and I was questioning what I was doing. Why was I putting myself through this? Why did I think I could run a marathon? I cried and cried. I scrolled through my phone trying to decide who to call to come and take me home. I cried some more. I cried until I couldn't breathe.

This year has been the hardest of my life. A big part of me thinks I shouldn't have carried on training for a marathon, I should've made the decision to postpone it until I was ready. Losing my Dad knocked the wind out of me and I spend most of my time feeling sad and exhausted. Running was what I always turn to when life gets a bit tough but the last few weeks have been hell and training for a marathon has sucked the fun out of running for me.

The other part of me knows that Dad would want me to do it and to keep training. He sponsored me so I want to do it. I also want to do it for me, it was always going to feel like an amazing achievement to complete a marathon but to do it after what I've been through will make it so much more special.

I stopped crying and decided to carry on. I'd already run 15 miles so 5 more was do-able, I just had to try.

Mile 15

The last 5 miles are a bit of a blur. All I remember is getting back to Roath Park and having 1/2 a mile to go. I ran lamp post to lamp post, I kept my head down and I just slogged it out. Finally my Garmin beeped that I had reach mile 20. I had done it. I had run 20 miles in under 4 hours... just. I got in my car and I cried. I was relieved and I was sad. 

20 miles in 3:59:55!

I drove home, had a bath and some food then flaked out on the sofa. I was still feeling numb, sore and emotionally drained. I knew I was going to keep marathon training but the thought filled me with dread, it still does. I want to do it but I also want it over and done with.

I know that when my last long run is done on Friday and I start tapering then all this will be nearly forgotten and I'll start to get excited about the marathon again. I need to keep in mind the other reason why I'm doing this and that is to raise some money for all those poor dogs without their forever homes. I can't adopt them all so I want to raise as much as possible to help the amazing people at Friends of the Dogs Wales look after them.

My running vest for the big day!

So now I have to mentally prepare for my next and final 20 mile run otherwise it will be just as bad as this one was. I think the fact that it's my last long run before tapering and carb loading will help. I am so looking forward to the carb loading!!

Dear Dad...

Dear Dad

Today we had your funeral and it was full of laughter. Loads of friends from over the years came to say goodbye to you and share their stories. Malcolm spoke and told us all about the jokes you played on each other at work and how much everyone enjoyed working with you. I wrote this eulogy and somehow found the courage to stand up and read it out.

The words that pop into my head when I think about my dad are loving, kind, mischievous and hard working.

I always knew he loved me, my brother and mum – I never doubted it. He would do anything for us.

Dad was a wind-up merchant and loved the attention it brought him, good or bad. One day, before Paul and I were on the scene, he wound mum up so much that she threw a saucepan of scrambled eggs at him. Back then they had a tiny kitchen yet she still managed to miss him. He found it hilarious.

When I was 7 I put his loving, caring side to the test when I came home from school with nits. Mum was in hospital at the time so Dad had to deal with it. I think the bit he liked the most though was when I proudly told everyone on the bus that I’d had nits. He was clearly happy about this and not at all mortified.

Dad used to love building Hornby train sets and Paul and I used to love to play with them. Well, we used to love to try and make them crash. Dad wasn’t too keen on this though. One day he sold his trains when he decided to buy a computer, everything went. About 8 years ago I was Christmas shopping in Cardiff and came across an Orient Express train box set and knew I had to buy it for him. On Christmas Day he opened it and I was choked up about how happy he was, he loved it. Mum not so much... if looks could kill. Instead of converting the loft again Dad decided to buy a shed for the back garden and created his train heaven in there complete with a wood burner and coffee pot.

When I was 17 and learning to drive, Dad would take me out in my car. We’d get in and he’d say drive wherever you want, just try not to speed. Once when I went to work with him, he let me drive mum's car. There was a long private road and he told me to floor it to see what it felt like then quickly added "just don't tell your mum!"

He taught me how to look after my car and how to do a bit of DIY – I’m rubbish at both but I give it a go. In the last few years he also gave me cake baking tips and he made the best Victoria sponge I've ever tasted.

He adored my dog Winston, they were like the dynamic duo – not Batman and Robin, more like Del-Boy and Rodney. Dad would sneak him bits of food when he thought I wasn’t looking and Winston was as subtle as a brick about it. When we started sorting out dad’s things, mum went through his wallet and found 3 photos. I’m sure you’re expecting me to say there was one of mum, one of Paul and one of me but no, there were 3 photos of Winston... just Winston.

Mum and Dad were together for nearly 50 years and she visited him every day in hospital. A couple of days before the end, we arrived to visit him and mum walked into the room first. Dad looked at her then grabbed her hand and said “I do really love you Chris”. He said it with such urgency, like it was the most important thing in the world and it brought us all to tears.

Dad spent his last day in bed snoring his head off which summed him up perfectly. I’m sure if he could, he would’ve told us his usual line of “I wasn’t asleep, I was just resting my eyes”.

Today was exactly what you would've wanted and you'd be so proud of us. We shed some tears but mostly we laughed. And yes we did as we were told so your final song was Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. 

I will miss you every day of my life, some days more than others but I know I'll be ok. Thank you for being such an amazing dad and always having my back. Loves you xx

Why I Run

I read a few running blogs and it got me thinking about why I run. Initially I started running to control my weight and I assumed it would just be another form of exercise that I tried and hated but I fell in love with it so now I run because I can and because I want to. Oh and so that I can eat whatever I want and not feel consumed in guilt.

Spaghetti and syrup and candy, oh my!

Running is also my therapy, when life gets me down I put on my runners, grab my ipod and head out of the door. I was injured (tendinitis and plantar fasciitis) over Christmas and New Year so couldn't run and thought I was going insane. Luckily I have an awesome physio who has got me back out there again.

Running with a touch of freestyle dancing thrown in

I run to feel good about myself, to become stronger and more confident. It helps me kick my low self-esteem up the butt and reminds me how amazing I am.

WW has totally nailed the Power Pose

It challenges me to push myself and achieve things I never thought were possible.

Through running, I've met some great people and become part of a new family.

My Pegs

I still run for all those reasons but now I have a new one to add to the list. I now also run to help me deal with my grief over losing my Dad.

He died last weekend and I feel as though my world has ended. The day after he died, I got up and went out for a run. I ran and I cried for 9.5 miles. There were times during that run when I just wanted to give up and go home so I could crawl into bed and not come out again but I kept going. I kept reminding myself that he wouldn't want me to give up.

I feel that it's even more important to train for my marathon now, he'd sponsored me to do it so would want me to keep going and would be so mad at me if I didn't.

So the Manchester marathon, my first ever marathon, is for you Dad. I love you and miss you every day xx

I'm Back! In Your Face Injury!

After 2 & 1/2 weeks of no running and 3 sessions with my amazing physio Carolin at DTR Clinic in Cardiff I am back running again. In your face injury!

Physio session number 2 included more of the zappy machine and ultrasound.

Carolin then massaged my calf. I say massaged as that's what she called it but I would probably refer to it more like inflicting punishment as though my calf had hugely offended her. It hurt like **** but all I could do is laugh. I laughed through the pain and willed it to be over.

Apparently my calf is very tight so I have to heat it and then stretch it every day. I was then taped up and sent home.

Session 3 was more of the zappy machine and then my foot was wrapped up in a hot blanket, it was like a day at the spa.

Until Carolin decided to "massage" my calf again. Hello pain! Hello uncontrollable laughter! I think I might be a bit weird.

Carolin then scared the pants off me by saying that she wanted me to do a short run (no more than 20 mins) at the weekend to see how my foot goes. She warned me that it would flare up again but to just rest and ice it afterwards.

You want me to do what??

I got up and put my running kit on then set out for my first run. My foot felt ok, I had a bit of discomfort but then OMG my lungs! They felt like they were on fire!

Am I dying? I think I'm dying!

My run was a total of 1.45 miles and I had to walk twice. TWICE! My foot felt pretty good but my fitness must've upped and moved out.

First post injury run

Carolin had said that if my first run was successful then I was to get back on with my marathon training. My next run was supposed to be a Pegasus club run on Wednesday night but it was chucking it down with rain so I wussed out and hit the treadmill instead.

The dreadmill... how I loath you!

I did a very easy 5k run and had no pain in my foot! My next run was planned for the weekend but first I needed to go running shoe shopping!

My new bad boys!

Winston was clearly impressed!

On Saturday some of my Pegs had planned a 12 mile run and I decided to join them for the first 4 miles. They altered their planned route so that we could do a 4 miles ish loop for me and then they would drop me off and carry on with the rest of their run.

I was pretty scared about doing the run as I wasn't sure how my foot would hold up so was relieved to be doing it with friends. We did a total of 5.5 miles and apart from a few twinges my foot held up nicely. My fitness was better but still not great and the 5.5 miles felt like 15. I know I'll get it back quickly enough though so I'm not too worried.

Pre-run selfie!

Being part of a running club has been the best thing to happen to me and my running. I get to spend time with a group of people who all love running and who also love to support each other. They are awesome!

They kept in contact when I was injured and helped me get back to running when I was scared. I honestly don't think I could've got through this and still feel confident for my marathon without them.

It's only 81 days until the Manchester marathon so now my life is back to running and trying to raise some money for Friends of the Dogs Wales, the work they doing is amazing and saves so many dogs lives. If you can spare some pennies then please click here to help the puppies!

Injury Strikes!

I'm injured! I can't run and I feel as though I'm losing my mind! Ok so that's probably a bit dramatic but running keeps me sane and I can't do it so feel as though I'm going insane.

Maybe I should start at the beginning. The Wednesday before Christmas I went for my usual club run with Pegasus and from the start I had a bit of pain along the side of my right foot. I told myself to man up and get on with it, that it was nothing and I could just run it off. We did 6 miles and I was in pain the whole time but I just kept going. I'm an idiot but an idiot that has learnt a hard lesson.

Yep, that's pretty much how I feel!

I spent from Christmas Eve to a couple of days ago not being able to walk, I just had to limp along. It felt better when I was on tiptoes but still hurt like hell. To say I was terrified about what damage I had done is an understatement, I obviously imagined the worst and let my mind go wild.

Today I went to physio at DTR in Cathays, Cardiff. They were highly recommended by a running buddy who suffered from the dreaded plantar fasciitis earlier this year and was fixed in time for the London Marathon. I was sat in the waiting room on the verge of tears. I have been training so hard for my marathon and the thought of not being fit enough to run it was all I could think about. Add on the days of frustration from not running and there I was, a near blubbering mess! This is my first running injury and I have no idea what to expect.

Ok so I wasn't this bad... jeez get a grip love!

Carolin took me into one of the bays and asked me what the problem was. I don't know how I didn't cry my eyes out but I kept my crazy together and explained what had happened. She poked and prodded my foot while I grimaced with the pain then said she suspected tendinitis and that we can get me all fixed up ready for my marathon! Yay! I could've kissed her! The relief was incredible.

She started the treatment by hooking me up to a machine that I will refer to as zappy as I can't remember it's actual name.

Here's zappy!!

Zappy made my foot feel warm and tingly, I was given some magazines and told to relax. After about 10-15 minutes (no idea really, I'm totally guessing!) Carolin came back and detached me then brought out this bad boy...

Will my foot get a tan?

I had 9 minutes of ultrasound on the tendons then Carolin poked and prodded some more. I'd taken my runners with me just in case and I'm glad I did. She examined them and noticed that part of the shoe along the side of my foot was ridged and had no give.

As soon as I put it back on, a really sharp pain shot through my foot. My runners and how they fit my feet have caused the damage so I can't wear them again, it's time to go runner shopping again!!

Ooooooooooooo runners!

Carolin taped me up and wants to see me again on Monday, I'm not allowed to exercise until she gives me the ok. I have to rest, ice and elevate it as much as possible.

Best colour tape ever!

So I am hugely relieved that this is fixable but still hugely frustrated that I can't run yet. I didn't realise just how much I rely on going for a run to clear my head and keep me grounded. Running is how I control my weight, I run so that I can eat what I want without the worry of piling on the pounds. It's Christmas and I have hardly indulged, in fact I've been told by a few different people that I've lost weight. The stress of not knowing what was wrong and my paranoia at my weight ballooning because I can't burn the calories off has left me with no appetite.

Running and training for my marathon is a massive part of me and my life. I plan everything around my running. I'm a runner and I can't run. I know I will heal and I'll be back out there with my running buddies soon so just need to keep myself busy and stay patient. Yeah, let's see how well that goes shall we?!