13.1 miles is a long time to think about stuff!

Last Saturday I completed my first ever 13.1 mile run. It wasn’t an organised race but a training run with just me, my iPod, some gel packs and my runners.

According to my training plan I was only supposed to do 12 miles but I thought an extra 1.1 miles wouldn’t kill me and if I actually completed it then I’d have run a half marathon 6 weeks before my actual half marathon! Oh, did I mention I'm running the Cardiff Half Marathon?

I didn't think I had

I set off at about 9.30am and didn’t mind if it took me 3 hours to do it. I did tell my boyfriend my route so if I wasn’t back within 4 hours then he could come and rescue me.

Oh my hero! *swoons*

I may have been ‘redirected’ during my run as I hadn’t paid close enough attention to my planned route. My Pegasus pals will be shocked to hear this as I don’t regularly get lost on runs and have to use Google maps to find my way back to the route… nope, never done that before. Ok, maybe I have a few times but that’s what happens when I’m allowed out on my own!

Probably, yes.

It took me 2 hours, 34 minutes and 17 seconds to run 13.1 miles. I went through half a bottle of water, 2 gel packs and 44 songs on my iPod. At times I felt like I was flying and other times I felt like this...

Actually he's probably going faster!

I arrived at my boyfriend’s house and fell on the lounge floor, I let him peel my runners and socks off my feet – my body started aching as soon as I stopped running, it was agony and bliss at the same time. He then gave me my protein shake and a banana which I drank/ate while inspecting my latest blister… hello new friend, so pleased to meet you!

I really enjoyed the run (afterwards obviously!) and it took a while for it to sink in that I'd just run 13.1 miles. I had run 13.1 miles... for fun!

During my 13.1 miles of 'fun' I had a lot of time to think. I also have a mantra that I play on repeat in my head when the run gets really tough "will this pain ever stop, will this run ever end, I don’t want to do this anymore, this sucks, I want cake!" "I can do this, I am strong, I can do this!" Simple yet effective. I have grown up saying "I can't" or finding excusing that prevent me having to try as I was too afraid to fail. Becoming a runner has taught me so much about myself

• My mind is more powerful than I give it credit for... just need to apply the same to cake
• My body is strong and it's only getting stronger
• Failing isn't a bad thing, in fact it's a good thing as I learn from it and move on
• Never say never – I never thought I’d run ½ mile let alone 13.1 miles!

So with this in mind I have decided to stop calories counting and stressing about my weight so much, I have removed my weighing scales from the bathroom. I'm going to be aware of what I eat but not be so obsessed. My body is never going to be perfect. It will always have its not-so-toned bits and the white scars from stretch marks but it carried me through 13.1 miles last weekend so it's fucking strong and amazing. 

My body should be treated the way it deserves to be treated. It's never let me down and it keeps going on and on even when my brain is telling it to stop. It just doesn't listen. So now I'm going to start listening to my body. I'm going to feed it a healthy and balanced diet (most of the time anyway) and I'm going to exercise it even when I can't be bothered and would rather hold the sofa down instead. More importantly I'm going to reward it with treats and cake and not punish it and myself for indulging now and again. I'm sick of the guilt I feel every time I eat something 'naughty'. It's not naughty, its a reward and we both deserve it!

Top tip!!

Self-Esteem Is A B*tch!

My good old friend Ms Low Self-Esteem tried to pay me a visit recently but I have slammed the door in her face and am refusing to let her in and ruin all my hard work.

It all started when I felt sluggish, tired and emotionally a bit unhappy recently so I took myself off to the Doctor to get my blood tested just in case it was linked to thyroid, diabetes, lack of vitamin B or something like that. The Doctor ticked about 12 boxes on the paperwork that I had to take to the blood-stealing-man AKA the Phlebotomist (that word really makes me giggle... I'm 38 FFS!!). The results came back a week later and were all clear. YAY, there's nothing medically wrong with me! But also, CRAP because I don't know what's wrong with me!

I probably should've asked Siri!

I went to work a few days later and had a chat with a colleague who is into weight lifting. He asked about my diet and what I ate in a typical day/week. His response was "so you live on cake, biscuits, fruit and veg with a bit of meat then?!" I had pretty much cut the good carbs out of my diet and I have no idea when I did that. I didn't mean to do it but somewhere along the way I had and I was suffering for it.

He recommended that I eat more potato and sweet potato (apparently oven chips are enough!) and to try and introduce things like quinoa, lentils, cous cous etc to my diet. I also said I'd actually eat breakfast instead of just a banana, apparently breakfast is the most important meal of the day... who knew?!!

Mmmmmmm carbs!

My running had reduced from 4 times a week to 2-3 times since I'd been back working full-time so I knew I needed to sort that out. I have recently joined Pegasus running club and am running with them every Wednesday night plus we do Parkrun on a Saturday and other runs over the weekend.

I told some of the ladies at work about my new healthier eating and exercising more plan and they are joining in with me. Summer is fast approaching and we want to be bikini ready!

I know how you feel cutie-pie!

I decided to start my new healthy eating plan after Easter as I wanted to eat the junk food in my house to make way for my new healthier food. This mission was accomplished and I slipped into a chocolate coma.

Chocolate fuelled zombie

When Easter had been and gone and it was time to get up and go to work, I decided to weighed myself to see what damage I had done. I was shocked... stunned... gobsmacked... I had put on 7lbs in just over 2 months. 7LBS!! That's half a stone!

Exactly!

I spent the next 2 hours kicking myself and giving myself a right b*llocking. I could feel my old insecurities creeping back in, suddenly putting on 7lbs felt as though I had put on 7 stone and my confidence starting slipping away. Luckily I have a Besty who is completely honest with me and told me to get a grip, it's 7lbs which I will easily drop now I've started my healthy eating and exercising more programme.

Now I do agree with Besty but it's not as easy as that where my brain is concerned. I felt anxious and I felt fat. Now before you shout at me, I know I'm not fat but that number on the weighing scales still controls me. It can make me feel amazing or awful within a few seconds.

(Not my feet!)

My first battle was trying not to stuff my face with chocolate and biscuits to get that 'I feel great really' high

I managed to get through the day without eating junk and I felt good. I felt really good! I felt so good that I agreed to do a 10K run with my running club the following night and pair up with one of the girls. This good feeling wore off quickly and I started to stress myself out worrying that I couldn't do the run or that I would slow my running buddy down. I nearly backed out but reminded myself that I have run 10K numerous times and running with someone quicker than me is how I'll improve. I was going to be fine and I was going to feel great afterwards! Hmmmmmm... maybe.

Well I did the run and it was great. We did 10K and got back to the clubhouse before it was dark. We felt amazing... knackered but amazing!

Woooooo hooooooooooo!

I know the success of my healthy eating and exercising plan is to keep an eye on my weight so I decided to weigh myself once a week (on a Friday morning) just to keep myself in check. I stepped on the scales not expecting to see much of a change and was gobsmacked that I'd lost 3lbs in 3 days! 3lbs! That's nearly 1/4 stone! Suddenly my confidence soared and I felt that witch called Ms Low Self-Esteem get a bit further back into her box!

#PushingBackHarder

Exercise and Healthy Eating... Who Knew??!!

I've previously mentioned how I spent about 12 years of my life yo-yo dieting and how miserable it made me.  At the age of 27 I finally learnt what I needed to do to keep the weight off... eat healthily and exercise!  Whodafunkit??!!

This still didn't mean that life managing my weight was easy. Hell no! I lived with a man who didn't care about putting on weight and constantly brought home 'naughty' food. I could've said no, I could've let him eat it all but I didn't.

*dribbles*

I put on about a stone within the first few years of our relationship and then decided that I had to go back to watching what I ate. I turned to calorie counting and it made me miserable, moody and I was starving most of the time. It turns out that the things I like to eat are high in calories. I wasn't exercising either so that didn't help. Finally I lost the weight!

Wooooooo hooooooo!

The weight stayed off and became a lot easier to manage once I ended my marriage and moved into my own house. I started running and yoga and weighing myself every Friday morning just to keep an eye on it. I think I've finally cracked it! My body shape is improving and I'm getting stronger every week... I feel great and can actually look in the mirror now without feeling physically sick.

I really NEED this t-shirt!

I was watching the movie Eat Pray Love a few months ago and Julia Roberts' character said a couple of things while talking to a new friend in Italy that really hit home.  They were sat eating pizza and the friend declined to eat any more, Julia says to the friend:

"I’m sick of spending my time analysing how many calories I have eaten just so I know how much self loathing I need to take into the shower with me!"

and then adds:

"Has a man ever asked me to leave when I’ve taken my clothes off?  No!  That's because he doesn't care, he's got a naked girl in front of him so he thinks he's won the lottery."

Mmmmmmmm pizza!

I keep these in mind and it makes me happy to know that I'm not a slave to a diet any more as long as I keep up the exercise and healthy-ish eating.

Every now and then I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and I'm surprised at my reflection. In my head I'm still the girl who is 3 & 1/2 stone overweight so it always gives me a great feeling of achievement when I remember how far I've come. One day I will get used to it and I hope that I keep the weight off permanently *crosses fingers*

#PushingBackHarder