On Saturday I did my first ever 20 mile run and it was horrendous. It seriously knocked my confidence to the point that I nearly pulled out of doing the Manchester marathon.
I started the morning with my usual light breakfast of a toasted wholemeal muffin with butter and Marmite followed by a banana a couple of hours before my run then I planned my 20 mile route. I knew it would be a tough run so thought I'd try to remember to take a photo at every mile as a way to tick them off and distract myself. I decided to start and finish at Roath Park so drove there and parked my car.
I'll never get tired of this place
The first mile was pretty good, my music was pumping and I was full of energy.
A tree at the end of mile 1
The 'take a photo at the end of every mile' thing didn't last long. Soon I was at Cardiff Bay and mile 5.
The start and finish of my first race as a Peg nearly a year ago
It was a bit of a gloomy day but Cardiff Barrage was still a gorgeous place to run.
(water) Taxi!!
Spring time in Cardiff is made even more beautiful by the daffodils that pop up all over the place.
Running through Cardiff on a Wales rugby match day is a great experience, everyone was so happy and I even got a few cheers to spur me on.
My future husband
Wish I'd been there to watch the match
During miles 12 - 14 my run started to get harder, uncomfortable and I was really struggling. By mile 15 I was sat on a bench sobbing. My whole body ached and I was questioning what I was doing. Why was I putting myself through this? Why did I think I could run a marathon? I cried and cried. I scrolled through my phone trying to decide who to call to come and take me home. I cried some more. I cried until I couldn't breathe.
This year has been the hardest of my life. A big part of me thinks I shouldn't have carried on training for a marathon, I should've made the decision to postpone it until I was ready. Losing my Dad knocked the wind out of me and I spend most of my time feeling sad and exhausted. Running was what I always turn to when life gets a bit tough but the last few weeks have been hell and training for a marathon has sucked the fun out of running for me.
The other part of me knows that Dad would want me to do it and to keep training. He sponsored me so I want to do it. I also want to do it for me, it was always going to feel like an amazing achievement to complete a marathon but to do it after what I've been through will make it so much more special.
I stopped crying and decided to carry on. I'd already run 15 miles so 5 more was do-able, I just had to try.
Mile 15
The last 5 miles are a bit of a blur. All I remember is getting back to Roath Park and having 1/2 a mile to go. I ran lamp post to lamp post, I kept my head down and I just slogged it out. Finally my Garmin beeped that I had reach mile 20. I had done it. I had run 20 miles in under 4 hours... just. I got in my car and I cried. I was relieved and I was sad.
20 miles in 3:59:55!
I drove home, had a bath and some food then flaked out on the sofa. I was still feeling numb, sore and emotionally drained. I knew I was going to keep marathon training but the thought filled me with dread, it still does. I want to do it but I also want it over and done with.
I know that when my last long run is done on Friday and I start tapering then all this will be nearly forgotten and I'll start to get excited about the marathon again. I need to keep in mind the other reason why I'm doing this and that is to raise some money for all those poor dogs without their forever homes. I can't adopt them all so I want to raise as much as possible to help the amazing people at Friends of the Dogs Wales look after them.
My running vest for the big day!
So now I have to mentally prepare for my next and final 20 mile run otherwise it will be just as bad as this one was. I think the fact that it's my last long run before tapering and carb loading will help. I am so looking forward to the carb loading!!
