Yesterday I had my last counselling session and it feels like I've come full circle. When I started back in October I was amazingly low and couldn't figure out what my life was all about, some mornings I couldn't even decide what clothes to put on. I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, what I enjoyed doing in my spare time, who I wanted to date or if I even liked the person I was.
It's taken about 2 months, a lot of low points, a lot of heartache but I'm coming out of the other end and I feel stronger, empowered and in control of my own happiness again.
I'm learning to!
I've thought a lot about the type of career I want and I know it's not the one I'm doing right now. I want something that makes me feel as though I'm giving back to my community, the type of job that makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning and skip my way to work. I've realised that I'll have to retrain so the job I have right now is exactly what I need to help me fulfil my ambitions.
Yay it's Monday! Hmmm that might be overdoing it a bit.
Money is another issue for me, I always thought I needed more and more of it so that I can buy more and more things that I 'needed'. Well it turns out that I had that pretty wrong too. I want enough money to pay my rent, bills and keep myself and my dog fed but I no longer feel the need to have a big pot of gold and a load of crap to make me happy. Obviously if I had a lottery win then I'd graciously accept my winnings... I'm not crazy!
Might need to actually buy a lottery ticket
I've started a few new hobbies too which have given me a reason to enjoy exercising again, they also help to relieve day to day stresses and get me out of the house and interacting with people. I've discovered that I love running, yoga and indoor climbing... yes you read it right, I said I love running! Yoga gives me that warm glowy feeling with a touch of added flexibility and indoor climbing gives me a physical and mental challenge and a way to face my fears.
Apparently...
The next big thing is love. Good old love. I grew up being told to marry a man who had a good job, someone who could 'keep' me and for a long, long time I thought that was what I wanted and needed. Lately I've realised that I've got a good job, a lovely (rented) house, a new-ish car and an amazing dog - I already have everything that I could want or need so why would I look for a man to provide those things for me?!
I want a man who is kind, respectful and knows how to show me the love I deserve. I want to feel that Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud was written by him for me. I want him to have a job that he loves and makes him happy regardless of how much he earns a year, together as partners we'll earn enough to live on. Now don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy with being swept off my feet but in a fun way and not in a 'look after me' way. I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve so I'll just keep having fun dating until it happens.
Especially when it's dessert!
I am finally learning who I am, what I want from life and who I want to share the journey with me. I never knew what 'happy' looked like but now I can see that happiness and contentment is within my reach. As long as I am true to myself then I don't need to worry about outside influences bringing me back down. I am all that I need.
Damn right!
Now where did I put my cape?
#PushingBackHarder
