Self-Esteem Is A B*tch!

My good old friend Ms Low Self-Esteem tried to pay me a visit recently but I have slammed the door in her face and am refusing to let her in and ruin all my hard work.

It all started when I felt sluggish, tired and emotionally a bit unhappy recently so I took myself off to the Doctor to get my blood tested just in case it was linked to thyroid, diabetes, lack of vitamin B or something like that. The Doctor ticked about 12 boxes on the paperwork that I had to take to the blood-stealing-man AKA the Phlebotomist (that word really makes me giggle... I'm 38 FFS!!). The results came back a week later and were all clear. YAY, there's nothing medically wrong with me! But also, CRAP because I don't know what's wrong with me!

I probably should've asked Siri!

I went to work a few days later and had a chat with a colleague who is into weight lifting. He asked about my diet and what I ate in a typical day/week. His response was "so you live on cake, biscuits, fruit and veg with a bit of meat then?!" I had pretty much cut the good carbs out of my diet and I have no idea when I did that. I didn't mean to do it but somewhere along the way I had and I was suffering for it.

He recommended that I eat more potato and sweet potato (apparently oven chips are enough!) and to try and introduce things like quinoa, lentils, cous cous etc to my diet. I also said I'd actually eat breakfast instead of just a banana, apparently breakfast is the most important meal of the day... who knew?!!

Mmmmmmm carbs!

My running had reduced from 4 times a week to 2-3 times since I'd been back working full-time so I knew I needed to sort that out. I have recently joined Pegasus running club and am running with them every Wednesday night plus we do Parkrun on a Saturday and other runs over the weekend.

I told some of the ladies at work about my new healthier eating and exercising more plan and they are joining in with me. Summer is fast approaching and we want to be bikini ready!

I know how you feel cutie-pie!

I decided to start my new healthy eating plan after Easter as I wanted to eat the junk food in my house to make way for my new healthier food. This mission was accomplished and I slipped into a chocolate coma.

Chocolate fuelled zombie

When Easter had been and gone and it was time to get up and go to work, I decided to weighed myself to see what damage I had done. I was shocked... stunned... gobsmacked... I had put on 7lbs in just over 2 months. 7LBS!! That's half a stone!

Exactly!

I spent the next 2 hours kicking myself and giving myself a right b*llocking. I could feel my old insecurities creeping back in, suddenly putting on 7lbs felt as though I had put on 7 stone and my confidence starting slipping away. Luckily I have a Besty who is completely honest with me and told me to get a grip, it's 7lbs which I will easily drop now I've started my healthy eating and exercising more programme.

Now I do agree with Besty but it's not as easy as that where my brain is concerned. I felt anxious and I felt fat. Now before you shout at me, I know I'm not fat but that number on the weighing scales still controls me. It can make me feel amazing or awful within a few seconds.

(Not my feet!)

My first battle was trying not to stuff my face with chocolate and biscuits to get that 'I feel great really' high

I managed to get through the day without eating junk and I felt good. I felt really good! I felt so good that I agreed to do a 10K run with my running club the following night and pair up with one of the girls. This good feeling wore off quickly and I started to stress myself out worrying that I couldn't do the run or that I would slow my running buddy down. I nearly backed out but reminded myself that I have run 10K numerous times and running with someone quicker than me is how I'll improve. I was going to be fine and I was going to feel great afterwards! Hmmmmmm... maybe.

Well I did the run and it was great. We did 10K and got back to the clubhouse before it was dark. We felt amazing... knackered but amazing!

Woooooo hooooooooooo!

I know the success of my healthy eating and exercising plan is to keep an eye on my weight so I decided to weigh myself once a week (on a Friday morning) just to keep myself in check. I stepped on the scales not expecting to see much of a change and was gobsmacked that I'd lost 3lbs in 3 days! 3lbs! That's nearly 1/4 stone! Suddenly my confidence soared and I felt that witch called Ms Low Self-Esteem get a bit further back into her box!

#PushingBackHarder