Dating in the 'Diff Part 3

I haven't written a blog about my dating experiences in a while because I met a man and fell in love. Now before you say "awwwwwww" it all went to shit and I'm single again. There's still no need to say "awwwwww" though because I'm doing ok.

It all started when I was a bit bored over Easter and decided to sign up to POF (AKA Plenty of Fish) as some of my colleagues had told me it's where all the single people in Cardiff hang out. And they weren't wrong, I saw quite a few of the people I had dated or even just messaged with on match.com or Tinder so I quickly blocked them all and started my new online dating experience.

It reminded me that I hate online dating. It sucks. It can make you feel as high as a kite one minute and a self-conscious wreck the next. You have to be pretty damn self-assured to stick it out. 

I lasted 10 days but in those 10 days I chatted to a man and we agreed to meet up. I always try not to get my hopes up before the first 'meet' as people can be so different to their online profiles.

To cut a long story short, we met, we dated, we fell in love, we talked about sharing the future together, we made promises that we probably shouldn't have made yet then eventually our differences started to show and the issues caused weren't fixable. I won't go into details as that's not fair on either of us but recently I made the decision to end it. It was horrible and heartbreaking but I know deep down that it was for the best. He is a lovely man but I'm not the one for him and we both deserve to find our 'one'.

Although I'm sad and feeling hurt by the whole experience, I'm actually proud of myself too. As soon as I realised that things weren't going to improve and the issues would always be part of the relationship, I decided to end it instead of fearing that any relationship would be better than no relationship. Old Sara would have clung on for dear life rather than be single. This Sara is not afraid to be single and sometimes feel a bit lonely, she knows her own worth and that being in no relationship is better than being in one that isn't working. Sometimes I can't believe how much I've changed over the last 18 months.

So it's just me and my gorgeous boy again for a while. 

I'm sure running shoes count!

I'm going to focus on me. I've just signed up for the Manchester marathon in April 2016 so need to sort out a training plan and stick to it. This will involve a lot of running, eating, aching, sleeping and feeling a whole range of emotions. It's going to be awesome!

Yeah I am!

I'm going to spend more time seeing friends and having fun. My first year in Cardiff was pretty lonely but this year I've made more friends and become part of a running club family. I feel so grateful as I have a fantastic circle of amazing people in my life who are all extremely supportive of me and believe in me. 

I was shopping a couple of months ago and came across a pink notebook with gold writing on the front that simply said "Believe in yourself" and I knew I had to buy it. I got it home but quickly realised I had no idea what to write in it. It suddenly felt like I didn't know how to believe in myself any more so I put it to one side and left it there. 

Recently I was watching a documentary and I heard a Doctor say she used to write "I accept myself unconditionally right now" on the bottom of every prescription she gave out as she was aware that so many people just didn't accept themselves. I know I've let my self-esteem slip recently and know that I'd never actually got to a point where I felt like I accepted myself but I really, really want to. That quote was the first thing I wrote in my new notebook and now it's time to focus on me, to prioritise me, to believe in myself again.